In just a few days, the nation will swear in a new president, and he’s promised to make America “great again”. Oddly enough, he’s never specified when, exactly, our country was “great”. He’s only implied that we were “great” at some distant point in the past, and that we aren’t anymore.
Okay.

I’m looking forward to this whole making-us-great-again thing, because I’ll be watching carefully, very carefully, and documenting what I see as I crisscross this glorious country. Oh, what a beautiful recovery we’ll see! The jobs! The prices! The housing! The infrastructure! The streets will be paved with gold, and we’ll all have everything we ever dreamed of or desired. How do I know this? Because I’ve been told, over and over again, ad nauseam, for four entire years now, that Biden’s policies are “terrible”, and that Trump’s policies are “genius”, and that Trump will, quite literally, fix everything. Just like fucking magic.
Okay.
Am I overreacting here? Not at all, because Biden was just THAT FUCKING BAD. Because for the entire Biden administration, I’ve had to hear about how terrible he is, and how great Trump would have been. It is black-and-white. People literally suffered terribly and died under the Biden administration. For the nation, the Biden administration was a fascist, communist, atheist hell on earth, and to refuse to acknowledge the post-apocalyptic hellscape that we now live in is tantamount to high treason or, at the very least, living in a state of denial about reality. Yes, for real! I know this, because a friend-of-a-friend told me how badly he was suffering under the oppressive Biden regime. We need to trust Trump, accept Trump, and do Trump’s bidding. We need to listen to our betters. We need less of this:
Treasury Department report issued Jan. 14, 2024
And more of… well, whatever the hell Trump has planned. It will be the opposite of that report, though. He’s informed us of that already. I mean, the exact plan hasn’t been hashed out, but he’s working on a concept of a plan. Rest easy, though, my fellow Americans; the plan, whatever it will be, is genius. The policies that brought on economic recovery, well. Those are bad policies, and all reports of the economic recovery, post-pandemic, including this one, are bald-faced lies.
Huh. You don’t say. Okay.
I was also informed by a friend that Trump is going to wave his magic wand and make everything cheap. Especially eggs.
Okay. *chuckle*
Oh, and that he’ll somehow strongarm us into being a more moral, upstanding, and Christian nation.
*starts to giggle* Hehehehe… okay. I like the Trumpers, they’re spicy! What church will they be frog-marching us into? I’m not sure either, but I’ll bet you dollars to doughnuts it will be some kind of Protestant heresy. Ooo! Ooo! Will there be a national dress code? Skirts for women, pants for men? It would sure help make things more traditional, wouldn’t it? Certainly there would be no accidental or intentional cross-dressing! Let’s force all women to stay home too, how about that? JD Vance is all about that. We could be living just like in the 1950s again! Won’t that be simply amazing?
Okay!
Ooo! He’s going to deport ‘all the illegals’, too, whatever that means. How will he ’round them all up’? My guess is they’ll use local law enforcement, and perhaps the National Guard, to do workplace sweeps followed by neighborhood sweeps. Oh, and that’s also a GREAT way to take your guns from you- and save due process for later.
*chortles out loud* Okay!
And did you hear about how Trump is going to make our government small? Tiny, even. Wee! Itty-bitty, so cute! That’s why we’re going to annex Greenland, Canada, and Mexico. That’s how you make a government small and efficient! All hail the mighty Trump! All hail the mighty DOGE!
Oh yeah, the next four years are about to just be the most glorious thing on earth because I am all about the snark. TELL ME AGAIN, TRUMP VOTERS, TELL ME ABOUT HOW YOUR GLORIOUS LEADER IS RIGHT AND I AM WRONG AND YOU’LL OWN ME AND SHOW ME THE ERROR OF MY WAYS… because this time around, I’m not here to criticize. I’m only here to celebrate all the wins.
I’m here to smile at you, cheerlead for Trump, and celebrate the glorious return of our king, lord, and savior, hand-picked by Jesus Christ himself.
I hope you all get EXACTLY what you voted for… and that you get it good and hard.
Okay.